Issue 004
The paper of record for a record nobody agreed to
The Doom Index
53%
Up 2 points
A province changed its name without incident, which the panel accepted as evidence that consultation is optional at any scale.
The running order
- SplashOntario Renames Itself Brayden For September, Calls Move 'Liberating'
- Artificial IntelligenceAI Lab Has 10% Chance Of Killing Everyone, But Not Allowed To Sell Unpasteurised Cheese
- BusinessTrump Bans Canadian Maple Syrup, Orders American Trees To Make Up Difference By Thanksgiving
- Opinion'We Have Renamed Places For Four Hundred Years And Nobody Has Ever Complained' Writes Palace Cartographer
- WorkFirm Asks AI What Susan Thinks Because Susan Keeps Getting It Wrong
- ScienceSauropod Not Consulted Before Being Licensed As AI Training Data, Says Sauropod's Lawyer
- Opinion'We Have Renamed Places For Four Hundred Years And Nobody Has Ever Complained' Writes Palace Cartographer
Number Crunching
10%
Internal estimate of the chance an AI lab kills everyone
0%
Permitted chance of listeria in a soft cheese sold in the same state
6
Maple trees in the United States, per the Agriculture Department
Corrections
Last week we reported that Ontario would revert to Ontario in January. The province has asked us to record that January is currently under offer.
A profile of this newspaper's overnight rewrite desk described it as 'four staff working in shifts'. The figure of four was supplied by the desk itself and we have not been able to verify it.